


Letters

by LoopyLiesey



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-21 11:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2466590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoopyLiesey/pseuds/LoopyLiesey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At Colin's funeral, Dennis gives Harry a pile of letters that Colin wrote to him while on the run.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters

**Author's Note:**

> I have been working on this fic for... a while. I am absolutely convinced that Colin was in love with Harry, and I wanted to explore it a bit. And also give myself a lot of pain while writing it.

Funerals. There were so many funerals to go to. The previous day had been Fred’s. The next day would be Remus and Tonks. Today was Colin Creevey’s.

Harry listened as Colin’s family talked about Colin. A few of his friends. Ginny spoke briefly. Nearly everyone cried, but Harry was dry-eyed.

Harry had no right to cry. It was all his fault. Colin wasn’t even seventeen yet. If Harry had just gotten to Voldemort earlier, if things had been different, Colin would still be alive, would have his whole life ahead of him. From what his family had seen, Colin had wanted to go on to be a photographer. He would have been a great one. Harry would have hired him to be his wedding photographer, whenever he got married.

Now that wouldn’t happen.

With the service over, everyone made their way to the Creevey home for the wake. Everyone mingled, but Harry stood to the side. He didn’t know what to say to anyone, least of all to the Creeveys.

“We don’t blame you.”

Harry turned his head to see Dennis Creevey watching him.

“You should,” Harry said.

“No,” Dennis said, shaking his head, “For two reasons. First of all, Colin wouldn’t want us to. And second, it was him. Not you. It was all _his_ fault.”

“I should have done something sooner,” Harry said desperately, trying to stop the tears from spilling from his eyes, “I should have done something.”

“There was nothing else you could have done. Colin knew the dangers, and he fought anyway. He was brave, a Gryffindor. And he was doing the right thing,” Dennis said, “But I can see I won’t convince you. So let Colin.”

“What?” Harry asked, frowning. Dennis held out a pile of letters, tied up with string.

“These are for you,” Dennis said.

“What are they?” Harry asked.

“Over the past year, we’ve been on the run. We’re Muggle-born. We got our parents somewhere safe, and then we went on the run, staying in contact with some of the DA so we knew when it was time. Colin wrote letters. To you. He’d want you to have them,” Dennis said. Harry shook his head.

“I can’t – I barely knew him,” Harry said, “I can’t take them.”

“You will. Because Colin would want you to,” Dennis said, and lay them down on the side table Harry was standing next to. He nodded at Harry before walking away. Harry watched Dennis go and talk to one of Colin’s friends, and his eyes drifted back to the pile of letters on the side table. They were written by Colin, written to Harry. It was Harry’s fault Colin was dead, and he owed something to Colin. If that was just to read these letters, then he’d do it.

He took the pile of letters, and tucked it in under his dress robes. What he didn’t see was Dennis watching as he did that, and looking satisfied.

Harry stayed for only half an hour longer, before making excuses with Mr. and Mrs. Creevey, saying he had to leave, and saying his apologies and condolences.

When he arrived at Grimmauld Place, where he had taken to staying lately, he sat down in the drawing room, and sat the letters down on the desk in front of him, staring at them. He wanted to read them, but he didn’t. He wanted to know Colin better, he wanted to know what Colin had written to him. But he knew it was just cause more pain. How could he read letters from Colin when Colin had probably hoped for a happy future? A future he wasn’t going to get.

Harry turned away, and closed his eyes. He couldn’t read them. They’d just stay there. There on the desk. As a reminder of Colin, a reminder that good and young people died in the terrible war.

Harry stood up and walked towards the door, and as he turned to shut it, his eyes fell on the pile of letters once more. In an instant he was across the room, had untied the string, and was shuffling through the letters, finding the one that had been written first.

And then he read it.

 

_Dear Harry,_

_I’ve never done this before. Written a letter without any intent of sending it. Even if I sent it, would it find you? No one knows where you are, though I think that’s a good thing. It means you’re safe. It means you’re fighting. If anyone can win this war, it’s you. I know it._

_That isn’t just coming from that boy you met in my first year, where I was a huge fan of the story, the legend. Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. This is coming from me now, having known you for five years. After watching you compete in the Triwizard tournament, after you taught us when we had Umbridge as a teacher. Getting us ready to fight in the war we knew was coming._

_You’re a hero, Harry. Not just because you’re the Boy Who Lived. Not because you’ve faced You-Know-Who so many times before. If you forget about all of that, you’re still a hero._

_Dennis and I have gone on the run. Mum and Dad wanted us all to go overseas, but Dennis and I want to be in the country for when it’s time to fight. We’re doing everything the Muggle way. Both of us are still underage, so they could easily find us if we use magic. Luckily Dennis and I both learnt survival skills when we were still in the Muggle world. We were in the Boy Scouts. That, plus sheer desperation, is what keeps us going._

_We still have the DA coins. Ginny promised to be in contact with us. She told us that Snape was the new Headmaster at Hogwarts. I can’t believe it! After he killed Dumbledore, too!_

_I don’t believe the lies they’re spreading about you. Anyone who knows you knows they’re not true._

_Since I’m not going to send this letter, I feel safe writing one thing that I have always felt, but never been able to say._

_I love you, Harry._

_Not just because you’re Harry Potter. You’re so much more than that. I admire you greatly. You always fight for what’s right, you’re loyal to your friends. You’re so brave, and true, and great. A true hero._

_And I love you._

_Yours,_

_Colin_

Harry placed the letter down, and closed his eyes, tears spilling down his cheeks. He had never known that Colin felt that way. He wondered if it was normal to feel guilty. Because he did. He felt so guilty. This boy… Colin was dead, and it was his fault, and now he knew this. Now he knew how Colin felt.

It had been a bad idea to read these letters. Harry quickly put the letter back in its envelope, and hurried out of the room.

* * *

Harry couldn’t sleep that night, he kept thinking about that letter. About all of the other letters that Colin had written. At about two in the morning, he decided he wasn’t going to be able to sleep, so he left his bed and made his way into the drawing room again, taking the letters and finding the next one that he wrote. He held it in his hands, staring at it, for a few minutes, until he opened it. He held it with his shaking hands, trying to read it.

 

_Dear Harry,_

_We’ve met up with a couple of other Muggle-borns, one in my year, a Ravenclaw, and a girl in Hufflepuff who Dennis knows. You won’t know them, but the Ravenclaw is Daniel, the girl is named Gemma. I think Dennis has a bit of a crush on Gemma, to be honest, but a war is no place for love._

_With Daniel and Gemma, we’ve found a place that should be safe for us for a few weeks at least. We can easily get food. We’ve met a few other Muggle-borns, of all sorts of ages, but they went their own ways. It’s dangerous to have too many of us together._

_Daniel and Gemma didn’t know each other before, but they know each other now. I think Daniel has taken the role of protective older brother over Gemma. It’s admirable._

_I heard about your break in at the Ministry. We get Potterwatch here, it’s brilliant. I don’t know what you’re doing, but I know that you and Ron and Hermione are all fighting, doing everything you can to win this war._

_I miss Hogwarts. I’m sure you do too. But not what Hogwarts must be now. Not with Snape as Headmaster, with those Carrows as the teachers. I’ve heard that they’ve started using Unforgivable Curses as detentions, and the other students have to cast them. It’s horrible._

_I miss Hogwarts when Dumbledore was there. Maybe it was never really that safe, especially since in my very first year I was Petrified by a giant snake, but it was certainly safer than it is now. It was happier. Even in my fourth year, when we had that horrible Umbridge as a teacher, we were fighting back, learning everything we could to prepare for this war. We were so childish. Maybe you weren’t, but the rest of us were. We didn’t think it would be this hard._

_Our parents wish we were never part of this world, that we never found out about Hogwarts, but I couldn’t imagine my life in the Muggle world. The Wizarding world is where Dennis and I belong. Even if You-Know-Who and his followers are trying to get rid of us, we belong there. We have just as much right as they do. I wish we could fight for it, but all we can do is run for it. I don’t feel brave, running. I have no right to call myself a Gryffindor._

_I hope the time will come when we can fight._

_Yours,_

_Colin_

“Oh, Colin,” Harry murmured, tears falling onto the parchment, blotching some of the ink. He quickly folded the letter, and placed it with the other one he had read.

Colin was every inch the Gryffindor. Running had been the smart thing to do. If only he’d kept running, and hadn’t fought. Maybe things would be different now. Maybe he’d be _alive_.

With a sigh, Harry stood up and made his way back to bed. He lay there until the sun rose, his mind on Colin. Colin’s life should have continued, should have gone on. He wasn’t even seventeen.

* * *

He sat near the front at the service for Tonks and Remus. When Andromeda spoke about her daughter, Harry held on to her son, his Godson. He’d only met him a few days ago. He was currently sporting the bubblegum pink hair his mother often had. Looking at him hurt, but it also filled his heart with love. This was exactly what they were trying to protect when they died.

Harry spoke briefly. He spoke about Remus, about him as a teacher, him as a friend. He mentioned his parents, Sirius, even Pettigrew. It occurred to him that he barely knew Remus. Not the way he should have, and certainly not the way he would have if the war had never happened.

After the service, he sat down with Teddy, and watched as everyone else talked.

“Are you okay, Harry?” Hermione asked, sitting down next to him.

“What do you think?” Harry replied, bouncing Teddy on his knee.

“It’s not your fault,” Hermione said, “Remus and Tonks knew what they were doing. They died to protect their son. Just like your parents did.”

“I’m upset about them, yeah,” Harry said, “But it’s not just that, is it?” Hermione sighed.

“You left pretty early yesterday,” Hermione said, “Ginny and I came over to Grimmauld Place, but you didn’t seem to want company.”

“I didn’t notice you there,” Harry said.

“You seemed distant. Pensive,” Hermione said.

“All these funerals are hard,” Harry said, “These people… I could have saved them, if I’d done something sooner. Colin was… Colin was so young.” He shifted Teddy into his arms, and Teddy rested his head on Harry’s shoulder, yawning.

“Harry…” Hermione said, reaching out to touch Harry’s arm. Harry shook his head, and stood up.

“I think I should put Teddy to bed,” Harry said, “He’s tired.” Hermione nodded, and Harry went upstairs and into Teddy’s nursery.

It wasn’t that long ago, and Remus and Tonks would have been in here, putting their little boy to sleep. Now they were gone, their little boy an orphan, just Harry. At least Teddy would get a better life than Harry did. Harry would ensure it.

* * *

Harry sat in the drawing room again, staring at the pile of letters. He had no right to read them, even if they were addressed to him. What on earth was he thinking? Colin had put private thoughts in those letters, and now…

He had to read them. He owed it to Colin to understand. He opened the next letter, and started to read.

 

_Dear Harry,_

_How do you face death? Does it get easier over time? I’ve never had someone close to me die before. The only person I knew was Cedric Diggory, and I barely knew him._

_Daniel was caught by Snatchers. Dennis and I managed to get away, but it was Daniel trying to protect Gemma that meant they caught him. Dennis, Gemma and I watched from a safe distance as Daniel fought against them. He was so brave. He did so well._

_But they killed him. Just a flash of green light and he was on the ground. They kicked him away – kicked him! – and then Disapparated. We quickly went over to him but he was definitely dead. We took him with us and buried him. Gemma was sobbing uncontrollably, and Dennis cried a bit too, but I didn’t. I don’t know why. I want to cry. I want to scream. It’s not fair! Daniel was a good person. He deserved to have a long happy life, but it was taken away from him._

_I hate You-Know-Who more than ever. It’s all his fault. I want him gone, I want him dead. I know you’ll do it, Harry, but can’t you hurry up? Daniel is already dead. What if next time it’s Dennis? I wouldn’t be able to cope with that._

_Hurry, please._

_Colin._

“No,” Harry breathed, reading the letter. Harry had never met Daniel, had never heard of him until Colin’s previous letter, but he felt the loss. Colin should never have gone through that. No one should have.

Colin asking him to hurry up hurt. He had failed. Harry should have done it all quicker, gotten rid of Voldemort quicker. Harry had failed Colin.

* * *

The next day found Harry holed up in his room at Grimmauld Place. Hermione and Ron had tried talking to him, but he wasn’t responding. He just lay in bed, the letters on the bed next to him.

 

_Dear Harry,_

_The last letter was unfair of me. I know you’re doing your best, going as fast as you can. You’re doing everything within your power. I know you are._

_I was just hurting. I didn’t know Daniel for long, but he was important to me, and I watched him die. I just want this all to be over. I want You-Know-Who gone._

_Gemma hasn’t stopped crying._

_I don’t know how to deal with this, Harry. Daniel’s gone, but I keep expecting to see him everywhere. How can I go on when Daniel’s life was cut short?_

_I hate this._

_I know you’re doing everything you can though. And I know you’ll beat him._

_Love, Colin._

The faith Colin had in Harry was astounding. Harry had never met anyone with as much faith in him. Even Ron and Hermione had doubted him at times, and Harry had always doubted himself. But Colin never had. Colin was probably the only person whose faith in him was unwavering.

A tear fell from his eye, falling on to the parchment. Part of him wished he’d never received these letters. Colin was dead, and Harry was only now getting to know him.

Reading how Colin felt after Daniel’s death, about this Gemma who Colin had obviously been close to… it hurt. He couldn’t imagine how much it hurt Colin. Colin had never really faced death before, whereas Harry had from a young age.

 

_Dear Harry,_

_We wrote to Daniel’s family, and Potterwatch mentioned him in their list. The list is just getting longer with each broadcast. Voldemort has so much power, and there’s nothing any of us can do._

_I know you can. I know that whatever you are doing, you are doing to help us, to save us all. I know this, because that’s the Harry Potter I love._

_I truly love you, Harry Potter. And I know you’ll never return those feelings. I saw you with Ginny Weasley, and I know you love her. I hope you have a happy life with her after this is all over. Ginny is amazing, and you two deserve a long and happy life._

_Yours,_

_Colin_

Harry let the letter fall from his hand, as he lay down and curled into his bed. Colin was such a good person, an amazing person. Loving Harry and still wishing him happiness with Ginny.

Harry wished he could have known Colin better while he was alive. That he’d noticed Colin. Perhaps things could be different. Perhaps the two of them could have happiness together.

His chest felt hollow, and he eventually fell asleep, tears staining his cheeks.

* * *

“We’re worried about you, Harry,” Hermione said, sitting down and passing Harry a cup of tea and a biscuit. Harry just stared down at the tea.

“The war was hard,” Ginny said slowly, “And a lot of people are finding it helpful to talk to someone. Perhaps you should.”

“I have nothing to say,” Harry muttered, refusing to look at either of them. He knew they were just trying to help him, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. So many people were dead, Colin was dead.

“You’ve been holed up in this house for days, perhaps you should come by The Burrow, play Quidditch,” Hermione suggested.

“Without Fred?” Harry asked, and shook his head, “No.”

“The three of us and Ron. Like the summer before sixth year,” Hermione said.

“I don’t want to play Quidditch, Hermione,” Harry said.

“Hermione,” Ginny said quietly, and the two of them shared a look before Hermione nodded, and left the room. Ginny reached out and took Harry’s hand.

“I lost my brother,” she said. Harry looked up at her, wondering where she was going with this.

“I’m sorry,” Harry whispered.

“Don’t,” Ginny said, “It’s not your fault. But I lost Fred. And now we’re losing George. I don’t want to lose you, too.”

“Ginny…”

“Talk to me, Harry,” Ginny said, “Anything. Throw things around and get angry that these people have died. But don’t hide from the world. None of them would want that.” Harry sighed, and nodded. If anyone could understand, it was Ginny. She always understood him.

“At Colin’s funeral, Dennis gave me letters that Colin wrote to me while they were on the run,” Harry said. Ginny’s hand tightened around his.

“Oh, Harry.”

“It’s awful. I keep reading them and he was so… hopeful. He lost someone while they were on the run, but he still believed in me. He loved me,” Harry said, a tear rolling down his cheek. Ginny nodded, listening to Harry intently.

“I keep reading and I regret not getting to know him,” Harry said.

“Are there any more letters?” Ginny asked.

“A couple, I think,” Harry said.

“Don’t read them,” Ginny said, “You’re only beating yourself up about it, and it’s not… you’re miserable. Keep them, remember Colin. Maybe in a few years you can read them.”

“I have to keep reading, Ginny,” Harry said, and closed his eyes. He knew what he wanted to say next would hurt Ginny, but she was the only one he could talk to, “I’m reading these letters and I’m falling in love with someone who’s already dead and I need to read them all.” He expected Ginny to let go of his hand in shock, to start yelling or crying, or just be upset in some way, but she didn’t. Instead, she moved closer to Harry.

“Okay. Read the rest of the letters. I’l be here when you need me,” she said, and kissed Harry on the forehead. She let go of Harry’s hand and walked out of the room, and Harry watched her leave. He was lucky to have her, he knew. But at the moment he couldn’t think of anything except Colin.

* * *

_Dear Harry_

_Things have been so hectic lately, I’ve barely had time to breath, let alone write a letter without intending to send it._

_We’ve had close run in’s with several Snatchers. Gemma and Dennis have been getting closer. I think I interrupted them the other day when they were about to kiss. They’re cute together. I hope it works out for them._

_We heard that you were captured and taken to Malfoy Manor before escaping. That must have been terrifying, but I’m so glad that you got away, that you’re safe. That you’re still fighting._

_Sometimes we come across others on the run, who think that you’ve disappeared and left us all for dead, but they don’t know you. I believe in you, Harry Potter. I know you will save us. I know you won’t rest until he’s gone._

_We’re ready to fight at any moment. We might die along the way – in fact, it’s very likely that we will – but if You-Know-Who is destroyed, if we win, then it will be worth it. I would be proud to die fighting Death Eaters. I would be proud to die to help you._

_Yours,_

_Colin_

A loud sound like a wounded dog filled Harry’s room, and after a moment he realised it was him. Colin would be proud to die that way? He was so young. A whole life ahead of him.

A knock on the door startled Harry, and when the door opened, Ron popped his head in.

“Mate?” Ron asked. Harry stared at him, quickly pushing the letters under his bedsheets. He didn’t want to share them.

“When did you get here?” Harry asked, wiping his eyes.

“Just a couple of minutes ago. Neville wanted to meet up. Dean and Seamus will be there too. Did you want to come?” Ron asked. Harry shook his head. Ron frowned, watching Harry for a moment, before nodding once.

“Alright. Hermione is probably going to come by, Mum made some treacle tart for you,” Ron said. Harry just nodded at him before Ron left, closing the door behind him. Harry grabbed the letters, and took out the last one.

 

_Dear Harry_

_This will be quick. We just got a message on the DA coins from Neville. It’s time to fight! Before the night ends, You-Know-Who will be gone, I’m sure of it. Dennis, Gemma, and I will be there, proud to be fighting._

_And then we can all lead happy lives._

_Yours,_

_Colin_

* * *

Harry didn’t know how he’d ended up there as he waited for the door to open. He could remember reading Colin’s last letter, and then he found himself knocking on the Creevey’s front door.

It was Dennis who answered it, looking surprised.

“Harry,” Dennis said slowly.

“I read his letters,” Harry said, “I don’t know why I’m here, I guess this just… made sense. But I read his letters, and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry about Daniel. I’m sorry you lost your brother. He was an amazing person.”

“I looked up to him,” Dennis said, “He was my hero, and you were his. I followed you because he did.”

“I’m so sorry,” Harry said, “I let him down.” Dennis shook his head.

“You never let him down. It was an honour for him to die for what was right, to give you time to defeat Voldemort. He made a difference. It was partly for you, but it wasn’t just for you. It was for himself, for me, for all the other Muggle borns. Everyone who was a target,” Dennis said.

“How can you be so calm about all of this? You lost your brother,” Harry said.

“I’m not calm. I’ve raged and I’ve cried and I’ve cursed You-Know-Who. I’ve been angry and miserable. But I’m making an effort to move on. Colin would want that,” Dennis said. Harry nodded, and attempted a smile.

“You’re right. He would,” Harry said, remembering that Colin had wished him happiness with Ginny. He knew the best way to honour Colin.

“Stay in touch, okay?” Dennis said. Harry nodded.

“Of course. I’ll see you around,” Harry said. Reading those letters had hurt, and had opened him to all sorts of emotions he’d never even imagined he would feel. But now, after reading them and talking to Dennis, he had a purpose, something he’d lost since he’d defeated Voldemort.

To live his life.

* * *

Harry hadn’t been at the Burrow since Voldemort’s defeat except for Fred’s funeral. He came in through the kitchen door, looking around. The kitchen was empty, so he went to go into the sitting room as Ginny walked through into the kitchen, staring at Harry in shock.

“Harry?”

“I’ve read all of his letters,” Harry said, “And… it hurt, Ginny. It hurt so much. And somehow I’m in love with him, but I’m not going to let that stop me from living my life. Because I love you. I’ve been in love with you for longer than I care to admit, well before I was able to admit it. And I don’t know how you feel, or if you want to be with someone who loves you at the same times as loving someone who’s dead, but I want to be with you.” Ginny smiled at him, and stepped closer, taking his hand.

“I understand, Harry,” Ginny said, “I knew Colin well, he was my friend and he was a great person. I love you, and if you love me, then that’s all that matters.” With a smile, Harry pressed his lips against Ginny’s.

He would live his life, he would be happy with Ginny. It was what he wanted, and it was what Colin would want.


End file.
